No Water, Again

     It seems that it is common all over the country that all federal and state

prison systems have major problems with their water supply.  Alderson, and Miami,

or any state prisons were any different.  Tommorrow is going to be a time without

water, AGAIN, and I am really not feeling it- they need to let some of us go home!

Rhonda Turpin

author, publisher, prisoner

Feb. 24, 2015

DAnbury Prison Camp

NEW SEASON AT DANBURY!

Its time for a new season- so much to talk about- where do I start?  First

of all, we are in the midst of Black History Enlightenment Series held every

Saturday, and that has been a blast.  Also, our population is rediculous-

219- we don't have any more TV rooms for them to take.  And the feds are

trifling- first we get a bunch of Russians all over the age of 60, then/now,

its Chinese/Asian women!  This is crazy, but they are very friendly. 

You want the juice- I will return! Straight from a cell at Danbury, HOW

REAL IS THAT??!! 

Feb. 22, 2015

9:00pm

NEW SEASON AT DANBURY!

Its time for a new season- so much to talk about- where do I start?  First

of all, we are in the midst of Black History Enlightenment Series held every

Saturday, and that has been a blast.  Also, our population is rediculous-

219- we don't have any more TV rooms for them to take.  And the feds are

trifling- first we get a bunch of Russians all over the age of 60, then/now,

its Chinese/Asian women!  This is crazy, but they are very friendly. 

You want the juice- I will return! Straight from a cell at Danbury, HOW

REAL IS THAT??!! 

Feb. 22, 2015

9:00pm

NEW SEASON AT DANBURY!

Its time for a new season- so much to talk about- where do I start?  First

of all, we are in the midst of Black History Enlightenment Series held every

Saturday, and that has been a blast.  Also, our population is rediculous-

219- we don't have any more TV rooms for them to take.  And the feds are

trifling- first we get a bunch of Russians all over the age of 60, then/now,

its Chinese/Asian women!  This is crazy, but they are very friendly. 

You want the juice- I will return! Straight from a cell at Danbury, HOW

REAL IS THAT??!! 

Feb. 22, 2015

9:00pm

Took this week off due to Labor Day

Took this week off due to Labor Day- will be back next week with your
prison drama!!


The Felonista

C-2 Week One- Episode 2 Dumb and Dumber

C-2  Week One- Episode 2
Dumb and Dumber
      Criminal Bloopers is a funny show about how stupid criminals can be.
Well, an episode played out at the Camp this week.  Before I tell you about it,
I would like to say that Itty has kept it moving.  She felt guilty while I was
ironing clothes, and said:
"I will access you a little later." And, of course, later will never come.  It is going
to be really interesting when she has to circle back.  They always do.  Prison is
the task of constantly trying to balance being kind, Godly, and pulling up your
fellow woman to make each other better in this storm, to dodging the snakes
as they constantly try to bite you.  It is not easy, but I do it well.
     Tigger, who looks like a swollen Nutty Professor, where Eddie Murphy played
a double role, has always been a rodent.  This time, in trying to sink her girlfriend,
she burned herself.  She stated that her girlfriend was on the phone talking to her
husband, and she yelled into the phone:
"Quick bringing her those contraband cigarettes, and she's s____king my p#%&y!"
Of course the husband did not believe the rachetness.  Who would when your wife
is 100 pounds, white, and a fem/not gay?  Well, the purpose of her rave was to
cut off her girlfriend's money, and at the same time cut off her extra-curricular
activity.  Never in a thousand years did she expect the "law" to come six deep and
arrest her, double lock her, take her camp status, and ship her out of here in
handcuffs.  See, when she was yelling all this profanity, she forgot the the prison
rule is when you are caught having sex, you are locked up immediately.  The same
principle applies when you yell through the telephone that you were having sex.
Who does that?  Tigger, you are the bama of the day, the donkey of the day,
and the world's stupidest criminal ever.
   Moral of the story is as my grandmother always preached to me:
When you dig a ditch for someone, always dig one for yourself also, because Karma
is going to serve you- its unavoidable.

The Felonista
Rhonda Turpin
fb/rhondaturpin
August 28, 2014

C-1 Week One You Can't Son Me

C-1 Week One
      You Can't Son Me
     Previously, Felonista posted once a week, with a Facts/Recap at the end of
the week, for six weeks.  For series three, I have revised the format to posting
twice a week, and a recap/facts/commentary when necessary.
    Recently, a new Russian inmate came in.  I noticed immediately that the rest of
the Russians were not dealing with her. Russians clique- they sit together, eat together,
walk together, and pray together, even if they do not like each other.
    "Be careful.  Do not tell her your business.  She snitched on everyone in her case."
One of the Russians warned me.
   "I don't trust any prisoner with my business, but thanks."  I replied.
   We will call her Itty because of her size.  She was extremely petite.
   "I want to pick your brain, and I want you to edit my work."  She said to me
repeatedly from the second day she arrived.  She showed me kindness, and shared
all her books.  My time is easy to capture.  An intelligent debate about an author
or a book is rare in prison.
   "My nine year old son is sending his book in for you to edit.  He said, tell the lady
that wrote the book to edit my book."  She told me.
  I looked at her sideways, but wanted to see where all this was going.  I can NOT
be sonned, Nor can I be manipulated, so after having her run after me and capture
hours of my time answering her questions and helping her with her new book, I decided
to put a bartering deal on the table.
    "I have an offer for you.  I will help you repeatedly with your book stuff, and walk
you through it, and in exchange I want you to help me get my body in tip-top shape."
    She's a seasoned physical therapist, with professional massage skills, why not?
    "Well that's not a two minute thing.  I would have to assess your body, and show
you your weak points, etc."  She said.
    "Well, helping you and your son with your books is also not a two-minute thing.
I believe in bartering.  Its fair exchange."  I said.
     Her face displayed reluctance.  Interesting.  Did this woman think that she was
really about to son me for the next nine months of her sentence?  I think she did!
    "So, what's up?"  I asked her.
    "I will come to your room and assess you this evening."  She said.
     Well, needless to say, 48 hours later, I am still waiting.  What is even more
interesting is that she is no longer running behind me every five minutes.  She
cut me off of her book lending circle immediately, and although we have walked
past each other repeatedly, it is hard for her to make eye contact.
    Moral to the story- do NOT ever let anyone son you.  If you barter with someone
then they will respect you if they are not trying to use or abuse you.
 
The Felonista
Rhonda Turpin
8/26/2014
author, publisher, prisoner